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The Pants

March 8, 2011

Warning: This post talks about my weight struggles and body image… if this is triggering for you, PLEASE please please  be smart do not read this.

You may have seen some jeans hanging on my closet doors in some of my pictures.

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These ones perhaps?

Those are two of my FAVORITE pair of jeans that I own. They fit like a glove and moved when I did and are SO comfortable you could sleep in them.

Why don’t I wear them anymore?

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Well… They’re too small… Yep. Too small. I can get just about into them but they are WAYYYYY too tight when I button them up.

You see, I wore them a bunch when I moved to NC a year and a half ago, but along with the stress of moving out on my own and probably way too many comfort pounds from dating HB, they began to get tighter and tighter, then all of the sudden this winter I had to buy a size up in jeans… which are even a little tighter than I like them in my legs.

Needless to say, this makes me feel totally awful about the way I look and it definitely makes me feel terrible about my self image on a daily basis.

It also doesn’t help that I am just as guilty as so many people about fat talking myself, and comparing myself to others. I know that I need to learn to fight my own battle of the bulge and keep positive, and learn some coping mechanisms to  be less stressed because seriously… I’m telling you that’s the major contributor to what is going on in my life right now. My secret perfectionism and the fact that I can’t let anything be until it’s at my standards or higher.

It also doesn’t help that I am just a few months in of taking a month off of running or so due to post marathon blues and the fact that running was starting to feel more like a chore to me than I was enjoying it. It could be some depression mixed in too, who knows. There I said it.

Anyway…

I try not to weigh myself too often… (I’ve always had a bad relationship with the scale) so I use these pants as my gauge as to how I’m doing in this whole getting back into shape and healthy business…

Like I said… these are my favorite pants. I’ve worn them lots and they’re worn in perfectly and USED to fit my like a glove.

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Ice skating with friends winter ‘09

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Partying with friends, Senior year of college winter ‘09

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Weekend getaway with HB. Winter ‘10.

 

as you can see, I’m about 20 lbs thinner in each of those pictures, and smiling because I’m clearly happy with the way I look in those glorious jeans.

It’s not that I feel bad about not being able to fit into these pants anymore… Wait, that’s a lie, I feel like crud because I can’t fit into these pants anymore.

That is why it’s my goal to make those size 8’s my baitch and work my way back into them. I’m not ready to give them up yet, so I’m not going to.

Do you hear me pants?! You’re going down!

You’re going to continue to hang on my closet doors until I can put you on and button you up comfortably…

Let the battle of the bulge BEGIN!

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. March 9, 2011 8:26 PM

    oh do i know about “those” pants! i’ve had a pair of jeans hanging in my closet since 2007, the last time i could wear them that are my FAVE FAVE FAVE.. perfect fake ripped spots, perfect larger flare (well at least they are 10x more flared than all these skinny jean bitches in the stores now..) just perfection. and they have been making my feel like shit for 4 years… i FINALLY fit into them this past weekend. well ok, when i say fit, i mean i would leave the house in them.. but be very very uncomfortable so, sorta fit. 🙂

    good luck!!!!! totally make them your bitch!!!

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